Stubborn

A while back, my pastor preached a sermon on spiritual warfare. During his sermon, he took time to look back into the Old Testament and the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. That following Wednesday morning, while I was with Sherann, I went with her to chapel at her work. The man who preached that morning took time to talk about the story of David and Goliath. After chapel, Sherann and I talked for a few minutes about how funny it was the same message was mentioned. The following Sunday, while at a retreat with Sherann, the preacher that morning focused on the story of David and Goliath. During the service, when the preacher first mentioned the story, Sherann turned to me and simply lifted up her hand and showed me three fingers. As we walked away from that worship service, again we talked and laughed about the “coincidence” of this story being preached to us three separate times, by three separate people, in three separate locations. I asked her, “How stubborn are we that God sees the need to send us a message three times for us to get the point?”

 

I was reminded of this recently as, once again, I seem to find many areas of my life colliding and I’m forced to ask once again, “How stubborn am I that God sees the need to send me the same message over and over again for me to get the point?”

 

Or perhaps the better question is, “Why am I not getting the point the first time?! What’s holding me back? What’s closing me off from what God is trying to tell me?”

 

Are you so stubborn that God has to tell you something multiple times before you get it?

 

Have you ever taken time to think about what was holding you back from hearing the message the first time?

 

What have you found helpful in opening yourself up to hearing God the first time?

 

 

What are you living for?

Why did Christ die for you?

 

Was it so that you can live for you?

            or

Was it so you can live for Him?

I think, if we’ve read the Scriptures, then we know the answer to that question. So, the real question is: what does it look like to live for Him?

 

It can look a little different for different people, but there are always going to be certain things that are true of the life of someone who is living for Christ. What are those things?

 

What does it look like to live for Christ?

Communication

If I (Aimee) have learned anything from sitcoms, it’s that bad communication—which includes no communication—leads to major trouble. And in real life, that trouble can rarely be fixed in a half-hour window of time.

 

I watched an episode of a new show where the son played his parents against each other so that he could benefit, because he knew that his parents didn’t talk and wouldn’t know that he was telling them different stories. Of course, within the half-hour show, the parents talked, figured out their son’s trick, and then punished him in an amusing and effective way. Laughs all around. The son won’t try that again. And now the parents will make sure to talk more. Awwww, how … unrealistic.  Well, sadly, except for the lack of communication part.

 

After the show went off, I found myself thinking about this one. How often is trouble created all because someone lied (either trying to trick someone else or out of fear of sharing the truth), because someone was confused but was too embarrassed to ask for clarification, because someone assumed that they heard correctly when they weren’t really listening, because people simply didn’t talk, and the list of possible modes of bad communication goes on and on …

 

So, out of a deep desire to promote good communication, I’d like to share a few points that I’ve learned along the way, whether in school or in the school of life:

• Don’t lie! Let me say that one more time: don’t lie.

The only exception would be when you are planning a very special and wonderful surprise and you have to make sure the person receiving the surprise doesn’t catch on. If someone is wearing something that really doesn’t look good on them, tell them the truth, just do it carefully and lovingly. If you mess up, own up! If someone else has messes up, call them on it lovingly.

This is biblical! Remember that commandment: “you shall not give false testimony against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16; Deuteronomy 5:20). It means don’t make up lies about your neighbor. And it isn’t just talking about in a courtroom. Or what about Jesus’ example?! He didn’t exactly back away or weasel out of conflict when someone did something wrong. He confronted them. He called them on it. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 5 that you should confront sin so that a person’s spirit can be saved.

Lies just make it worse. Honesty requires the willingness to make yourself vulnerable. That doesn’t mean that you have to bear your heart to every single person, but it does mean that the people and relationships that matter the most deserve to be trusted with your heart.

• Don’t assume.

Whether you are the one sharing or the one listening this can be a danger. Right now, let me focus on the one who’s sharing.

Don’t assume that others couldn’t possibly understand, and therefore fail to communicate at all. Read the book of Ecclesiastes (in the Old Testament, shortly after Psalms … it’s short). A key theme in that book is that there is “nothing new under the sun.” Meaning, history repeats itself. You are not the first one to ever go through whatever it is that you’re going through. It may not be identically the same, but it’s happened before and it’ll happen again. The enemy of your soul wants you to believe that you are alone and that no one understands. But he’s a liar. Don’t listen to him!

Also, don’t assume that others should understand, and therefore blame the communication problems on them when they don’t understand. If they don’t understand, explain yourself! Give better details or different details. Are you using slang they’re not familiar with? Are you jumping all over the place instead of following a logical order? Do you need to calm down and gather your thoughts? Consider your job as the speaker to be clear.

• Listen.

Consider your job as the listener to listen! It sounds like a weird direction to give. You’re probably saying to yourself that you already do that. But do you really? Listening is a skill that most people in our society have really neglected.

Don’t assume that you know what someone is going to say or that you know how they feel and allow yourself to drift in and out of real concentration. Don’t sit there waiting for your turn to talk, thinking about what you want to say, instead of absorbing what someone is saying to you.

Make eye contact. Turn your body to face them. Focus. You give your television that courtesy, what about the people in your life?

• Be honest.

That goes along with “Don’t lie.” So, I won’t say anymore on that point.

• Ask questions if you’re confused.

Don’t allow pride to keep you from clarifying. Cause if you allow pride to make decisions for you, you’re a fool. Yes, I said it. And I’ll also admit that I have been that fool at times, myself.

Think carefully about your questions before you ask them. Make sure you are as clear as possible. If you're confused by how poorly they're talking, it won't help anything if you are as confusing with your questions.

In the same respect, don’t shy away from asking questions just to make sure that you heard correctly. You know, those questions that almost aren’t questions. Things like: “so what you’re saying is …” and then you fill in with your own words what you think they’re saying. This is great for the one sharing because it lets them know that you’re really listening. And it’s great for the listener because it makes it clear that you understood correctly.

Don’t underestimate the power of good, honest communication! Just as poor communication can destroy relationships, good communication can heal relationships. It can deepen and grow relationships. And always remember, it’s much easier to destroy a relationship than it is to heal it. So avoiding destruction with open, honest talking from the very beginning is a great practice.

 

Try it out and see how it works for you.

"Yeast"

I (Aimee) made myself some tea, and I had a thought as I watched the water change ...

It made me think of yeast. Something the Bible talks about a few times. Check it out ...

 

In Matthew 13:33, it says:

“He [Jesus] told them still another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough.’”

But in Matthew 16:6, it says:

“‘Be careful,’ Jesus said to them. ‘Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.’”

In 1 Corinthians 5:6, Paul says:

“Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough?”

And in Galatians 5:9, Paul says:

“A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.”

Yeast, however, and it's affects on dough is not nearly as visible a change as that of a tea bag in water (which obviously made for a more dramatic visual effect). See, yeast changes the end result, even though it may not be easy to spot during the process. But, when all is said and done, there's no question of whether it's there or not. And, as it says in Galatians, yeast penetrates the whole batch, until everything is affected by it. And, as you can see from the different Bible passages, that can be for good or for evil.

So I have two questions for you to consider:

Are you allowing yourself to be transformed by the "yeast" of this world?

Or are you the allowing yourself to be transformed and are you the one doing the transforming of others for good?

 

Big Bitter Brother

Alright, one last look at the story of the Prodigal Son (remember, to be found in Luke 15:11-32).

The older son. We haven’t talked about him yet. He gets sadly neglected all too often in my (Aimee’s) opinion. There are many people just like him out there in this world. Maybe your own of them.

 

We don’t even meet him, don’t even know he exists until almost at the very end of the story. Beginning in v.25, it says that the older brother came home from a hard day’s work and found a party rocking. One of the servants told him that his brother was back and the party was for him. Jesus says, “The older brother became angry and refused to go in” (v.28a, NIV).

 

Ever been there? Maybe you have a younger brother or sister who really screwed up somehow and you found yourself feeling really bitter and angry because you felt like they were getting off way too easy. Maybe you even sat back and watched as they were rewarded for learning from their mistake instead of receiving a punishment for it. Maybe you’ve watched friends or acquaintances or strangers or enemies who just got off so easy after messing up. Meanwhile, you’ve been working your butt off to make everyone happy and you barely get a little “thank you” here or there! Can you feel the resentment build as you just remember it?!

 

You may have been wondering over these last few days who I connect with most: the younger or the older son. I’m sure that those who know me best would not be surprised to hear that I relate to the older son. I know the feeling of bitterness when I’ve worked so hard to be “good” and I haven’t received any special recognition. Or maybe, somewhere in my swelled-up head, I’ve convinced myself that I haven’t received enough recognition. Or I’ve been looking for recognition from the wrong source.

 

Sadly, I’ve had many a case of pompous pride—belief in my own goodness, in my own superiority as a life-long believer, etc.—slow me down or even stop me from seeing the beauty of God’s love and grace and forgiveness. And for exactly that same reason, I can connect with the younger son because every time I allow pride to lead me, it means that I’ve turned away from God, believing that I know best.

 

The older brother in the story comes right out and tells his father how upset he is (v.29-30). He compares his own loyal, obedient service with his brother’s selfish and frivolous choices. He also compares his own lack of reward with his brother’s party that is happening even as he speaks.

 

Here comes the wonderful part: the father is just as lovingly patient with him as he was with the younger brother!

“My son,” the father said, “you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” (v.31-32)

God doesn’t want us to be so focused on ourselves that we can’t see the joy in the (re)turning of others. He wants us to celebrate with Him! Being unable to do so only comes from sin controlling our thoughts and emotions. It’s a sinful attitude that focuses completely on self. It’s a sinful attitude that asks, “what about me?” It’s a sinful attitude that leads us to be obedient because we’re waiting for the rewards rather than being obedient out of love, and whether we’re rewarded or not (consider Matt 6:1-4).

 

The older brother allows his bitterness to rob him of the joy of the moment.

 

Do you do that?

 

I’ve done that.

 

The best thing to do in such a situation is to be open to God’s movement and God’s love. He will remind us that we should be led by love (God is love, 1 John 4:16). Remember your own imperfections, and be happy for the one who has learned from their mistake. Cause you haven’t learned yet, and when you do, you want to be welcomed back with open arms. Don’t you? It’s been my experience (personal experience) that the sin of pride is powerful and repeated often before we finally turn to God to ask for help in breaking it down.

 

When we can do that, we become the younger son—sitting, starving, in the filthy pig pen—realizing that we need to humble ourselves before our Father and turn to Him, seeking His grace.

 

He’ll be waiting.

 

 

 

Young Whippersnapper

I (Aimee) still want to talk a little more about the Prodigal Son.

Now let’s talk about the younger, irresponsible, inconsiderate, foolish son. He represents all of us at different times in our lives. For some people, the connection is more obvious, and those times are larger chunks of our lives. But the fact remains that He represents all of us at some point because none of us are perfect. We’ve all strayed at some time or other. If nothing else, belief in our own perfection is a sinful thought … but we’ll talk about the older son later.

 

Like I said last time, the younger son went to his father and asked for permission to pretend his dad was already dead so that he could have his inheritance right away instead of having to wait for the actual event. He wanted to live the life that he wanted without any consideration for his family and their needs or desires. He was tired of doing what his father asked of him. He was tired of being a respectful, dutiful, obedient son.

 

Do you ever get tired of being obedient? I’m sure you have, cause whether we want to admit it or not it really happens to all of us (remember that, “nobody’s perfect” comment above?). We all have times when we decide that we know best what’s best for us. We all have times of selfishness when we don’t consider how our choices for our lives affect the lives of others. We all have times when we turn our back on our Heavenly Father as we set out to do things our own way. We all have times when we say to God, “I’m going to pretend that you’re dead and go off and live my life the way that I want.” 

 

Sometimes we do it subconsciously. Sometimes we’re fully aware of it and do it anyway. Personally, I’m guilty of both.

 

Let’s look specifically at what the son in the story did. First, he insulted and deeply saddened his father with his thoughtless choice. Then, he took the money that he had received and the Bible says he “squandered his wealth in wild living” (v.13, NIV). We can guess what that actually means, and whatever you come up with (e.g.: wine, women, and song) is probably right. After that, there was a famine, so he started becoming desperate. He was so desperate that he hired himself out and became a servant who feed the pigs. For a Jew to take such a job, he would have had to be have been really desperate. But then again, considering what he had already done so far, maybe it wasn’t that much of a stretch. Still … let’s move on. The point was, he was practically starving to death. He was so hungry he considered stealing some of the food that he was supposed to be giving to the pigs. I don’t care who you are, that’s desperation!

 

Finally, the son has the brilliant idea (I love that v.17 says, “he came to his senses”) that he will go back to his father and beg for forgiveness. He also humbles himself. He doesn’t plan to go and ask to be accepted as a son again. He plans to ask his father to hire him as a servant, because he knows that he’ll be better off as a servant of his father than as a servant of this random person in this foreign land. And, we already talked about what happens. His father welcomes him back with love and calls him his son, even after everything he did.

 

The son realized he had been wrong. He thought he had known what was best. He thought he could make better decisions than his father. He went out and tried it and found out that he was way better off submitting himself to his father than trying to make it by himself. As a servant, he would have even less freedom than he had had as the man’s son. But he was willing to go back and humble himself to that position because he knew that it was better than where he was on his own.

 

See? Real wisdom comes when we recognize and admit how much we need our Father. When we turn to Him, He takes care of all of our needs (Matt 6:25-34; Luke 142:4-7, and many more!). Even more than that, the Bible tells us that without God we can’t do anything good (Ephesians 2:1-10, and more).

 

Whenever we sin, God’s just waiting for us to come to our senses so that He can reach out and pulls us back into His arms!

 

I want to repeat what I said last time, because I feel that it bears repeating:

I want to invite you to spend some time thinking about your own life. How many times have you been the younger son (or daughter), and turned your back on your loving Father? How many times has He taken you back? Or perhaps you’ve been holding back because you’ve been afraid that He won’t take you back. Let me assure you that He will. Every time. Without fail.

He loves you.

Thank God for His love and grace. Recognize how much He loves you. Take joy in that knowledge.

 

If you’re still struggling with the whole God-can-forgive-me-no-matter-how-bad-I’ve-messed-up-thing, then I invite you to talk to Him about it. Step before Him and just ask Him if He can forgive you. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at how quickly He says:

“Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him [or her]. Put a ring on his [or her] finger and sandals on his [or her] feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son [or daughter] of mine was dead and is alive again; he [or she] was lost and is found.” (v.22-24)

 

Daddy's Love

The other morning I (Aimee) read the story of the Prodigal Son. It’s a story that is fairly well-known. Are you familiar with that one? If not, I can wait while you go check it out. Go ahead. It can be found in Luke 15:11-32. I’ll just wait here…

 

Ok, so now you’ve read it. Good. I wanna talk about it a little. More specifically, I want to talk a little about the characters in the story: the two sons—the younger, less responsible brother, and the older, reliable brother—and the father.

 

It’s true that the younger son is kind of the “star” of this story, but he’s not the only one of importance. The father and the older brother are just as crucial in what they do and don’t do and what they say and don’t say. It’s just that we see so much of the youngest that we can very easily start to focus too much on him. 

 

First, I need to point out that Jesus told this story to illustrate the point that God rejoices over sinners who have turned away from their evil ways and turned to Him. That is good news if I ever heard it! That’s the Gospel, right there! It doesn’t matter how many times we mess up, or how big we mess up, God will still rejoice and welcome us back with open arms if we turn around and repent. 

 

To repent means that we actually feel sorry for what we’ve done and want to make up for it if we can. And the thing is, we can’t ever make up for it (for how we’ve wronged God, our Heavenly Father), not fully. That’s why God sent His Son to die for our sins. That was the only way to cleanse us. God loves us so much that He decided to take care of the hard part Himself, so all we have to do is turn around.  (Read Hebrews 9:11-28!) All we have to do is recognize that where we’re headed in our sinful state isn’t gonna take us anywhere we really want to go, and then choose to turn to God instead. He takes care of the rest.

 

The younger son in the story went to his father and essentially said to him, “I wish you were dead already so I could have my inheritance now.” Go ahead, read v.12 again and you’ll see what I mean… Do you see it?! I know you’re still alive, Dad, but let’s pretend that you’re dead so I can have my inheritance now.

 

That’s what we do to God when we choose sin over Him. We’re saying that we don’t care about what He’s done for us, or how He can continue to benefit us in the future, we want to go our own way and do our own thing. And the father in the story, just like our loving Father, says “Ok, if that’s what you want.”

The fact that God doesn’t stand in our way when we make stupid choices may seem cruel. But actually, it’s very loving. God never forces our love. He’s not a dictator who says, “Love me, or else!” (And, the truth is, He often protects us from ourselves, we just don’t always notice it at the time.) He allows us to learn from our mistakes. And He lovingly waits to welcome us back every time we turn away. 

 

I want to invite you to spend some time thinking about your own life. How many times have you been the younger son (or daughter), and turned your back on your loving Father? How many times has He taken you back? Or perhaps you’ve been holding back because you’ve been afraid that He won’t take you back. Let me assure you that He will. Every time. Without fail. 

 

He loves you.