Contradiction

Don’t ever say, “I’m sorry,” to someone and then immediately follow that with the word: “but.” Don’t do it. Just don’t. It’s wrong. If you say, “but,” after “I’m sorry,” it means that you’re taking back the “I’m sorry.” You cancel it out. Because the truth is that if you’re really sorry about something, then there is no “but.”

 

“But” is used to signal a departure, an opposite, a contradiction, an instead … it places two ideas in contradiction to each other. If you’re sorry, then there shouldn’t be any contradiction to that.  That doesn’t mean that there may not be an explanation (Notice that I didn’t say an excuse. Explanation and excuse are not the same thing. The first can often be very helpful. The second almost never is.). If you want to offer an explanation after your apology, just choose your words wisely.

 

Consider the following, and how you would feel if someone said this to you:

“I’m really sorry that I hurt your feelings, but I didn’t mean to.”
 

Translation:

“It stinks that my words/actions hurt your feelings but it was obviously your own fault because that wasn’t my intention.”
 

How about this instead, and notice that it’s only a tiny difference in wording, but makes a huge difference in meaning:

“I’m really  sorry that I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to.”
 

Did you see the difference? 

 

If you did something wrong—if you didn’t take someone’s feelings into consideration, if you were just flat out out of line about something, whatever the case may be—apologize. If they’re willing to listen, go ahead and offer an explanation. Just skip that one tiny word that would cancel it all out.

 

As far as I’m concerned, I (Aimee) think that we should all do a little more apologizing now and then. Take ownership of your words and actions. If you make a mistake, do right by those you’ve wronged. Admit your mistake and seek reconciliation. It’s what Jesus would do (except, of course, that He’s perfect and wouldn’t mess up in the first place, but you know what I mean). Reconciliation is very biblical.

 

“… if you are offering your gift at the altar and there
remember that your brother has something against you,

leave your gift there in front of the altar.

First go and be reconciled to your brother;

then come and offer your gift.”

Matthew 5:23-24