Breaking Up is Hard to Do

“They say that breaking up is hard to do.  Now I know, I know that it’s true.”  Thank you, Neil Sedaka, for those words.  They are so true.  But, unlike Neil, I’m not talking about breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  I’m talking about when God breaks us down, which is difficult, but often necessary for growth.  Breaking down our walls that keep us from doing … whatever it is we’re truly supposed to be doing.  Breaking down the stereotypes and expectations of the world.  Breaking away from what’s comfortable.  Daring to be vulnerable.  Allowing ourselves to be dependent.  It’s hard.

I (Aimee) was unemployed for the better part of four months this summer.  One miscalculation on my part—a forgotten bill—caused my bank account to go into the negative.  The unemployment office denied my claim for assistance.  I made the phone calls to my credit cards explaining my inability to pay my bills.  I was able to get a few months leeway for most of them; but not all.  My school loans will begin to be due soon, as I graduated almost six months ago.  I already have a hardship waiver for most of it, but I will still have to take care of the rest as they become active.

God has certainly been breaking me down.  He has been reminding me that I cannot trust in my credit cards; my trust must be fully in Him.  He has been developing my patience (which is sadly underdeveloped) in my job search.  An education does not guarantee you a job; especially in this economy.  My trust must be fully in Him. 

Along with all of this, God has also been building up my faith.  My credit score is beginning to suffer from my difficulties paying my bills.  But, no one has come to repossess my car.  I have a home and I have food.  (Please note that I am not suggesting ruining your credit score on purpose to demonstrate your faith in God’s provision; that’s like playing in traffic and expecting God to protect you.)  God is simply reminding me about what is truly important in life. 

I had the opportunity recently to go to a conference in northern California at Jenness Park, organized by the California Southern Baptist Convention.  Carlos Whittaker (www.ragamuffinsoul.com), son of the CSBC CEO (which Dr. Whittaker likes to say stands for “chief encouraging officer”), took time out of his busy schedule to come and speak to us on Saturday.  He also gave us a small concert that evening.  He shared a song off of his album Ragamuffin Soul, called ‘We Will Worship You.’  The chorus of the song goes like this:

Save us from these comforts

Break us of our need for the familiar

Spare us any joy that’s not of you

And we will worship you

And we will worship you.

It was like he was speaking to my current situation.  This is exactly what God has been doing in my life lately.  God will take care of all of my needs; my wants are a different matter.  But, if I can let go of my desires and focus on His desires, I will have true happiness.

Have you ever had such break downs in your own life?  Were you able to see how God was working through it all as it was going on?  I don’t think that I saw it at first.  But the Lord, the Creator of the universe, has brought me to my knees before Him.  And I pray that He will keep me here for as long as it takes for it all to sink in, and that He will quickly bring me back here if I ever dare to forget.